It may be when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. -Wendell Berry
I live for those moments where your doing the mundane and life suddenly catches up to you, and reality settles in once again. My decision was made nearly two months ago to close the store, and while part of me was relieved to be free of it and back to what I needed to do. An equal part of me was sad to see it all go away. Not just for the hard work put in, but the friends we've made and the good experiences we had.
The last year working in the store had become a full time position. I found myself coming in early to get things done, and leaving late because things still weren't accomplished. Weekends were spent shopping for the store or painting furniture and then the week would start over. I slowly noticed that things I used to truly enjoy doing, took a back seat due to lack of energy. The house. My photography. Blogging. Cooking. Cleaning. Even friends. I guess sometimes its easy to convince your head to keep going at a break neck pace rather then listen to your body tell you this can't last forever.
I'm terribly good suppressing emotions when things need to get done, which is how I managed to get the entire store packed in one day. But it wasn't until I was home walking the dog that I was suddenly hit with the realization that I didn't have anywhere that I needed to be. No one required my help with anything. No one was waiting for me to open the store. I was free to do what needed to be done without any dread for what needed to be done tomorrow.
Its the absolute strangest feeling being free for the first time in months, and it fills me with a hope and energy I've lacked for such a long time I can't even remember when I had it last. I'm picking up the pieces from where I left off and slowly but surely I'll find my footing once again.